You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
