I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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