i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
