i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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