Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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