but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
