I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
