I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
