I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
