we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
