she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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