break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
