she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
God, I missed his penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
