Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
