How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Where is the hickey?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
