ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Plan B is the new Plan A
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
