the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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