$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
