when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize