you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
