my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
