Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
