so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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