You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
