New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
