the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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