Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize