dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize