I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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