somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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