I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
