What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
