I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
