i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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