so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
