i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize