if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
