So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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