she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
