Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They have beer where we have blood.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
