Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize