Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
