I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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