what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
