WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
