I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
