If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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