Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
