Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
