I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
