I can feel you judging me through the phone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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