Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
