i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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