If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize