Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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