I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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