He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
