It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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