these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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