I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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