I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
