just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
