I can tuck mytits in my pants
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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