hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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