So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
