remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
