just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dicks are not precious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
