i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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