I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
