i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
